Remember the time when we were happy partners, I went to you and you held me in your loving arms like a child, comforting me like a warm blankie? It was effortless, and I would always wake up refreshed and ready to face the world? Oh, right. That’s never happened.
Sleep, why do you allow me to pursue you like a stalker, chasing you around dark corners in the shadows of the night? You are elusive and cruel. I want you but you play so coy, so hard to get. I dream of you, but I never get to actually dream with you.
You’ll let me have you for a few hours and then you force me up in early morning hours and tease me with your yawns. I’ve read all the articles and advice in health magazines, the Cosmo of sleep- the tips and hints of how to pursue and keep you.
Sleep, I stay away from caffeine after 2pm because I know it’s something you don’t like. I stay away from computer and screen time before bed because I know those things impact my circadian rhythm. I try not to drink too many liquids before bed so not to allow my bladder to interfere with you. I even take Diazepam before bed to ensure you will visit me. But still, you elude me, like I have a venereal disease.
Then at the times when I want you the least, during important meetings or conversations, when I’m driving or when I’m reading you decide that now is the time that you want to have me. You try to put me down like an abusive boyfriend, trying to knock me into submission when I want you the least. I need you, but you only seem to want to give me the satisfaction of having you at the most inconvenient times.
Sleep, why can’t you just work with me here? Why can’t we work this out together so I can be a functioning human being again? I am a sleep deprived zombie, living each day in a dream-like state because I never seem to be fully awake or fully asleep. Relationships are supposed to be about give and take, sleep. But you seem to just take, take, take. You hold back your love and never give me the rest I need.
Someday, sleep, I hope that we can work this out somehow. That you will just give me a break and allow me to have a routine- you know, how some people (most) seem to be able to go to sleep at a set time and get up at a set time and actually feel rested. I would prefer to have you come into my life around 9 or 10pm each evening and release me from your spell around 5 or 6am, in plenty of time to get some exercise in the early morning before work. That would be ideal. Do you think, sleep, that perhaps we could work this out somehow? Just tell me what you would like me to do and I promise to meet your demands. It’s been too long now- it’s time for us to patch up this broken relationship.
P.S. I love you, sleep. I’ve had you a few times in the past, so I know we can do this.
Seluk, Nick. “Fun with Insomnia” and “Overtired.” The Awkward Yeti: Fun with Heart
and Brain. <http://theawkwardyeti.com/> November 12, 2017.
******Please check out Nick Seluk’s site- I found his cartoons while looking for images for this post. He has many more funny cartoons about other topics, and many about sleepnessness and insomnia which were quite funny to me while not being able to sleep. I know you’ll enjoy them. He also has calendars and the like for sale. I do not know Nick, I have not been approached by him to help sell his stuff (not that there’s anything wrong with that), I just really enjoyed his work and highly recommend you check it out.******